May
17

Into His Eyes

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Last Sunday my church took communion. One of our elders, Rick Bringhurst, challenged us beforehand to examine our hearts in this way: what if Jesus were sitting across the table from you? I had to smile. It was this very concept that had started my journey toward a deeper spiritual life over twenty years ago.

I’d been at a retreat, and the leader had suggested we close our eyes and imagine a peaceful scene – so far so good – and then Jesus coming and sitting with us in that scene. My reaction was sheer panic. Although I’d been a Christian for some ten years, the thought of Jesus actually being there, sitting right next to me, looking into my eyes, made me want to run. Of course I knew He knows all about each of us, “and even the very hairs of your head are numbered” (Matthew 10:30). But to confront Him face to face? I knew this was totally the wrong reaction. My day-to-day life with God needed some major work.

Into His Eyes


Have you ever heard the word intimacy described as “into me see”? I was really not open to that. My innermost thoughts were strictly my own. That’s how I dealt with people, and that’s how I wanted it with God. But God is not satisfied with that answer. He wants to dwell in our hearts, including the parts we don’t show. And more than that, there were some feelings I had locked away. I was trying to forget, and in trying, was not being honest with myself. God wouldn’t have that dishonesty, either.

Over a period of time, I returned to this idyllic imagery gone wrong. I had to be able to let my Savior see my eyes, and thus, my soul. Those eyes penetrate so deeply! At first I thought he was looking for all my sin, and hence the terror. Eventually I realized that He was looking deep into the good in me. Yes, God deals with our sin, but there was a deeper purpose for the deep intimacy that was not for accusing me. I did not realize in my heart that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

You may want to know why this path thinking was not based more in Scripture, or in searching the Scripture. I knew many passages already that said God loved me, that He was good, that God would never leave us or leave us comfortless. But they hadn’t come off the page for me and into my real life. I knew many of the passages telling of God’s intimate knowledge of us. But would I let Him see into me to that depth? Could I let Him “search me and know me” (see Psalm 139:1)? I certainly haven’t arrived. Even if someone spent hours and hours in deep meditation, with the vastness of the love of God one never could come to full understanding. But it is much better than the young woman who wanted to run away all those years ago.

I am so glad that I was challenged to go deeper with God, to look “full in His wonderful face” as the song says. If this story challenged you or left you startled at the thought of facing Jesus, I encourage you to take the journey, too. Start having the thought of “going to the Lord in prayer” becoming a time to actually sit and be with Him so He can show you who He is – and who you are, too.

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